Quality Control (Kita's Adventures in Product Development Book 1) Read online

  Quality Control

  By Vanessa Cardui

  Copyright 2015 Vanessa Cardui

  Kindle Edition

  The cover image is based on a photo by Grendelkhan, and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.

  "Keets!"

  Kita looked up from her book, then looked back down. Gerana wanted her for something, but it was a good book, and maybe Gerana would get Terra to do it, whatever it was. Honestly, it probably wasn't that—

  "Keets, come on," said Gerana, and she sounded like she wasn't going to forget about it.

  Kita found a bookmark, put it in. "What? If it's about the floor, I'm totally going to get to it, once the—"

  "Come on Keets," said Gerana. "Terra's finished a prototype, and we need someone to test it."

  The problem was that she couldn't afford a place on her own. Gerana and Terra were fine, both of them, but they didn't seem to understand that after work, Kita wanted to sit quietly and read a book. And they'd get fussed about chores and all that. Honestly, Terra's room was worse than anything, with the wires and machines, and smoke, and the smells.

  "Fine!" said Kita, coming out. "What is it?"

  "Mind control," said Gerana. "Here, put this on."

  "Not mind control," corrected Terra. "At least, not yet. Just gross motor functions. And it's—"

  "Put it on!" said Gerana, pushing a sort of necklace into Gerana's hands. It was a white strip of canvas, with a whole bunch of mechanical widgets stuck into it, mostly near the back. The whole thing looked uncomfortable and ungainly.

  "Mind control?" said Kita.

  "Just gross motor functions!" said Terra. "And we're not even sure it's going to do that, which is why we need a test."

  "Just put it on," said Gerana. "Right, like that, with the buckle in front."

  Kita put on the collar, somewhat uncertainly. There was a pinch in the back, but just a little one—other than that, she didn't feel anything odd.

  "Right, sit down," said Gerana.

  Kita sat, still somewhat uncertain.

  "Is it on?" Gerana asked Terra.

  Terra had a sort of board, with all sorts of knobs and switches, and she was frowning at it. "Maybe?" she said.

  "Well, turn it off, so I can tell Keets what to do, and then turn it on not maybe, so we can see if it works."

  "Off is pretty straightforward," said Terra, and she flipped a switch. It didn't feel any different, and Kita still wasn't too happy about being called Keets.

  "Okay," said Gerana, and she scooted her chair over near Kita, so she could see her eye-to-eye. Just about the only way she could, being about a foot shorter than Kita. And a bit rounder, but that was something else.

  "Here's the thing. When Terra turns it on, I'm going to tell you to do stuff. Try to just sit in the chair, okay? So if you're standing up and aren't sure what to do, sit down in this chair, right?"

  "Okay?" said Kita, whose uncertainty hadn't actually been reduced. She looked over at Terra, who pushed her glasses up and went back to studying her board.

  "Right, good. Is it on?"

  "Think so," said Terra.

  "Stand up!" said Gerana.

  Kita kept sitting in her chair. Maybe this wasn't going to work, and she could go back to her book?

  Gerana looked at Terra, who shrugged, flipped some more switches.

  "Stand up!" she said again.

  Kita kept sitting.

  A few more switches, and a dial.

  "Stand up!"

  And Kita stood up.

  "Yes, okay, this is brilliant!" Gerana went over and hugged Terra, hard. Terra gave a smile, checked her dials.

  They weren't telling her anything, so Kita sat back down. That was weird. Maybe it was just the tone of voice? Gerana had been . . . .

  "Stand up again," said Gerana. "Do a waltz."

  Kita had no idea how to dance; they knew that. But she was trying to, sort of stumbling around, hands awkwardly out in front of her.

  Gerana started laughing, and Terra shook her head. "It's not magic. You can't make her do things that she can't do. She's not going to be able to fly if you tell her to flap her arms really fast."

  "Fly!" said Gerana. "Flap your arms really fast!"

  Then Terra started laughing too, as Kita kept stumbling around, also waving her arms up and down. Which was, frankly, ridiculous. So she stopped, and then sat down in the chair.

  "Oh, no," said Gerana. "Did I break it?"

  Terra shrugged. "Probably not? And even if you did, that's data. Still not convinced this is that a project worth developing, but—"

  "Oh, it is totally a project worth developing," said Gerana. "It was super-great for a bit, and it'll be even better next time."

  She went over to Kita, and gave her an uncomfortably tight hug. Tight, and soft, where her chest pressed against Kita's shoulder. "And I really appreciate your help with this. Thanks!" She stood back and gave Kita an appraising look. "And that actually looks pretty good on you. Right color, anyway. But we're going to need it back to work on it. Okay?"

  "Sure," said Kita, unbuckling the necklace and holding it out. "Fine. No problem. And now I'm going to get back to my book, unless there's anything else?"

  "Well," said Terra, "cleaning the floor in the living room is kind of your job?"

  Kita made a rude noise. "You guys took like an hour of my time," she said, retreating back to her room. "Now I have book."

  #

  The thing was, rooming with Terra and Gerana, that wasn't even close to the oddest thing that had happened. Kita did her best to avoid both Terra's experiments and Gerana's business schemes, but there were limits to how much avoiding could be done, given the size of the place. There were reanimated frogs for a while, which Kita kept finding in her shoes, and there were roving mousetraps which worked a little too well—one of them chewed through half of Kita's sweaters—and so on.

  So the next time that Gerana knocked on her door, and then came in without even a pause and dangled the white collar at her, Kita wasn't entirely sure what she wanted.

  "Keeeeeets," said Gerana, exasperated. "We need your help again."

  "Oh," said Kita. "It's just that I'm reading this—"

  "Later," said Gerana. "Come on; this is much better than it was before."

  Kita shook her head. "I'd really rather not—"

  "Come on!" said Gerana, and huffed. "We need a subject, and you're here, and it doesn't hurt or anything. Just do it!"

  Kita wasn't entirely sure why she was doing what Gerana told her to do, but she took the collar and put it on. "Same as last time," said Gerana. "Just try to sit in the chair, when Terra turns it on."

  So Kita went back to the living room, where she really should've cleaned, only it wasn't like she even used the living room much, after the reanimated frogs, and sat down on a chair. Terra fiddled with her board for a bit.

  "Okay," said Gerana, as Terra was working. "The mind control should be a bit better this time."

  "Still not mind control," said Terra. "A bit better at fine motor control, but the field doesn't extend past the cerebellum. Honestly, I think the frogs would've been a better investment of time and—"

  "Nobody wants undead frogs, Terra," said Gerana. "We have fully established the fact that nobody wants undead frogs. Is it on?"

  "Should be," said Terra.

  "Stand up," said Gerana, and Kita was standing.

  "Smoother," said Gerana. "Still not waltzing, though?"

  "Still not," confirmed Terra. "She can do things she knows how to do with more
control, but not things she doesn't know how to do."

  "Hum," said Gerana. "Okay, um . . . ." she looked around. "Right, okay. Up on tiptoes, and stay up on tiptoes until I tell you you can stop."

  Kita felt herself swaying slightly as she went up. It was, technically, something that she knew how to do, but it wasn't something she was very good at. Only it felt like she was better at it now?

  "Go across the room, pick up that book over on the end table," said Gerana.

  It was a history that Kita had lost interest in—too much restating of primary sources that weren't included—and which she'd meant to put away. It was kind of heavy, though.

  "Now, balance that on your head."

  That would've been hard enough to do without being up on her toes. She started wobbling as soon as she picked it up, and it was really difficult to keep it up, but she sort of had to?

  "Okay, now, come here."

  There wasn't any way that was going to happen, but she had to try, so she started walking. She got like halfway across the room before the book fell off, and she winced as it fell. It hadn't been a very good book, but that didn't mean that it was right for it to be dropped like that.

  But she kept walking over to where Gerana and Terra were sitting.

  Gerana scowled at Terra, who shrugged. "Still can't make them fly by flapping their arms," she said. "And the thing about the frogs, right—"

  "No," said Gerana. "There is literally no angle that I missed on trying to sell undead frogs. Look this is already worth—" she turned back to Kita. "Back down from your toes. Then, jumping jacks. As many as you can."

  Kita wasn't exactly an exercise enthusiast. She knew what jumping jacks were, but there wasn't much call for that in the bookstore, and frankly, it seemed like a lot more work than it was worth. But she started jumping, much more smoothly than she would've on her own.

  "There, see?" said Gerana. "I could find a half-dozen buyers for that, as it is, if that was the only thing it could do."

  "What? Why?" Terra adjusted something on the board, then pushed her glasses up, and cocked her head at Gerana.

  "Well, first of all, you have to admit, she looks great like that. Just the right amount of bounce, and then her hair's getting all messed up, and she's starting to get a little bit sweaty, and—"

  "We're not selling Kita," said Terra. "You want to sell devices."

  Kita had already been blushing furiously at that description, but the pause that followed Terra's statement was way longer than she liked.

  "No," said Gerana, finally. "No, you're right. It's a product that I'd have no problem selling, but no. My point is this. There are like a million people who like the idea of getting into shape. Package this with a voice recording telling them to do calisthenics, and that's it—they'll get into shape, no problem. Boom! Take our profit margin, multiply it by like a million, and we're done."

  "Hm," said Terra. "Wouldn't need a voice recording; could just put the instructions on the control device. But there'd be safety issues."

  "Safety issues?"

  "Sure," said Terra. "Say that she breaks a leg or something. With something like that, she'd have to go through the whole routine on a broken leg. Needs a panic switch, or something."

  "If they can just turn it off, they'll turn it off, you know?" said Gerana. "But that'd be their fault. And maybe there'd be people who shouldn't be doing jumping jacks or whatever. Heart problems and so on. Still, that's one angle worth developing."

  "So that's it?" said Terra. "It's not bad, but—"

  "Not it at all!" said Gerana. "But let me watch this for a bit longer, okay? It's pretty great."

  It'd been like two minutes, but Kita had already done about as many jumping jacks as she wanted to do. It was getting hard to breathe, and her legs hurt, and her sides hurt, and there was what Gerana had said, and the way she was probably looking at her, but there wasn't anything she could do about any of that.

  Finally, her jumps started getting a little less regular, and then she just couldn't, and her knees gave way, and she crumpled to the floor.

  "Good job!" said Gerana. "Okay, come here."

  Kita tried to stand up, and couldn't quite make it. But she had to go there, so she found herself crawling across the floor to where Gerana and Terra were sitting. And then, since she hadn't had any other instructions, she tried to pull herself back to the chair she was supposed to sit in.

  "No," said Gerana. "Sh. Stay here, rest up."

  Kita fell back down into a puddle at Gerana's feet. She couldn't remember the last time she'd ached so much—she probably never had. It was terrible! Only Gerana's hand had somehow found its way into her hair, and she was fiddling with it, and there wasn't anything that Kita could do about it, and it felt nice. But like, really nice.

  "Could you put in contingencies?" asked Gerana. "I mean, you told me that I had to keep the instructions simple, but could you program it so that if they break their leg or whatever, they'd stop, and seek medical attention?"

  "Hm," said Terra. "Probably have to get specific about the conditions, and too much programming would be—"

  Kita more or less stopped paying attention as they talked. Yeah, maybe it would make their fortune, but she was more interested in trying to breathe, and the way her sides hurt, and her legs hurt, and the way that Gerana was twining Kita's curls around her fingers, and letting them spring back into place, even though Kita's hair was all sweaty.

  After a while, Terra and Gerana stopped talking, and Kita could feel Gerana looking at her, which left her distinctly uncomfortable.

  "Better?" asked Gerana.

  Kita nodded. She wasn't entirely recovered, but she could probably stand up enough to go bathe. And she really needed to bathe.

  "Great! Stand up."

  She stood.

  "Now, go get a bucket, and soap, and a brush, and clean the floor in here."

  Terra laughed. "Okay, yeah, fair enough," she said, as Kita staggered over to the sink to fill the bucket. "It might not be the most efficient way to get her to do her chores, but it'll get the job done, at least, which is more than I can say for anything else we've tried."

  Which was deeply unfair. It was just the living room floor, and that didn't matter. And maybe also scrubbing the bathtub. But what was the point of that? When they took baths, it was filled with hot water and soap anyway, so it got clean.

  It was more than a little uncomfortable to try to clean the floor with the two of them watching her like that, but she had to do it, so she worked, doing her best not to see Gerana and Terra sitting on the couch and grinning at her.

  "No, wait, stop," said Gerana. "You're getting your dress all dirty. Take it off."

  Kita stood up and took her sundress off. Terra gave Gerana a look, but Gerana wasn't looking at Terra.

  Kita knelt, to get back to scrubbing the floor. "Wait," said Gerana. "Stand up. Turn around, slowly."

  Kita did, trying not to see the two of them, or the expression on Gerana's face. "So," said Gerana. "Still think reanimating frogs would be a better investment?"

  "Wellll," said Terra. "I mean, sure, right. This isn't bad. But the frogs—"

  "Underwear too, Kita," said Gerana. "Folded by the side."

  Kita could feel her heart racing, and not just because of jumping jacks. If it was just Gerana, well, okay, she was pretty, and there was . . . but now, she had to do what she was told, and there was something about that that made her . . . .

  "Okay," said Terra. "Better than frogs, I guess. But the frogs—"

  "Thank you!" said Gerana. "Finally. Anyhow, you can get back to cleaning the floor, Keets."

  For a while, there was nothing but the sound of the brush against the floor. Kita did her best to keep from looking completely obscene, but she also had to clean the floor, and there were limits to how much she could do that wasn't going to show them . . . well, everything.

  After a while, Terra shrugged. "It's a nice view," she said. "But I've got to get started on the next
prototype, if we're going to make that deadline."

  "Right," said Gerana. "Deadline."

  "Look, you're the one who set it," said Terra. "I thought it was a stupid idea. If you don't want to—"

  "No," said Gerana. "We definitely need a deadline to work against. But it's just . . . I mean, she's so pretty like that, you know? And the way her butt moves . . ."

  "So, you're saying the exercise thing, or more trying to get to mind control," said Terra.

  "Yeah," said Gerana. "That sounds good."

  Terra snapped her fingers. "Her butt will be there later," she said. "Focus."

  "Start with the exerciser," she said. "And, like, make sure it isn't hackable? Because that's going to be a mass market thing, but something like this one . . . limited audience, carefully vetted."

  "Sure," said Terra, and left.

  Kita wasn't entirely sure if that was better, or worse. On the one hand, fewer people watching her clean the floor, but on the other hand, she wasn't entirely sure that she wanted to be alone with Gerana watching her clean the floor.

  Only when Kita was done cleaning the floor, Gerana took the collar off, without saying anything, and went back to her room, leaving Kita to grab her clothing, retreat to her room, and try not to think about it.

  Which she did, for the most part. At least she tried.

  #

  There wasn't anything more about it for almost two weeks, beyond the occasional swearing from Terra. It seemed that they decided to go with new testers for the exercise collars. Something to do with sensitization or whatever—Kita was grateful that she didn't have to do jumping jacks, anyway, and she had kind of let herself believe that they'd stopped with the other one completely.

  Until Terra came to her room with another white collar. The mechanical stuff was a little more subtle than it had been on the other one; little bits of silver and gold wire, crystals and electronic bits on the back of the collar.

  "Put this on," she said. "Gerana has some new stuff that she wants to try."

  Kita took it, looked at her.

  "Don't take too long," said Terra. "We're waiting."